The Funnies

The funnies

I decided since I had retired, I would not sit and hold my hands nor sit in a rocking chair. I would do something. Then I wondered what would I do? I had been a public servant for over a quarter of a century. I did not want to do anything in that category. I decided I needed to try something entirely different. A lot of churches were opening up night clubs for Christians. I decided to be a Christian comedian. That sounded like something I wanted to do
I had to try out my material. I was told a good place to start would be family and friends. If you could make them laugh you were half way there. I got my best jokes together, told them and all that was said was can you pass the pecan pie. I was humiliated, ashamed, embarrassed to the ninth degree. And these were my best jokes. I had some that were standing by in case of an encore. However, no one wanted more. To tell the truth, no one really wanted the first course I had liberally given out as a sample of things to come. I told them I was an old woman and I could not hear too well. However I think I heard on the radio that The Roots, The Roots, The Roots were on fire. I thought how sad. Did anyone survive? Personally I thought that was pretty funny. No one else did. This time I would bring out the killer. This is something they all could relate to. My Mom and Dad stayed married over seventy years. I thought a joke about marriage would get everybody’s attention. Then I remembered my brother and his ex-wife. They may not find a joke about marriage that funny. I was told never; never tell a joke about religion or politics. I knew we had as many different religions in my family as there are in the United Nations. Some have even declared themselves Atheists. A joke about religion was not going to go over well. Then I had a good political joke. I had a little nudging from my conscience that would not work either. Not unless I wanted to start World War 111 right there in the basement of the church where we were.
At that point I had a little more respect from for the comedians I see on TV. The hardest thing, is finding a topic that is none threatening and will make everybody laugh. I have just decided to pursue other job opportunities. Tell me where do good jokes come from? My family is a joke all by themselves. To tell the truth, most families are. My child can tell some funny jokes about his father who is now decease. I’m sure he tells everybody funny jokes about me.
I called a friend and told her I was sad because I could not make myself nor anyone else laugh or happy. She asked me what had made me sad. I told her my integrity had been attacked. I though a good joke would make me feel better. She asked me how old I was. I told her I was seventy one. She told me don’t worry about it. If I stood on the Atlanta Highway in my birthday suit my integrity would remain in tack. All of a sudden, my sadness was relieved. However, at that juncture, I was conflicted. Was I feeling happy because I was not desirable or was I happy because I had rediscovered words of wisdom within myself, the weapons to protect myself? At any rate the sadness was gone.
The next day I went to the cleaners to pick up two suits I left there for a very long time. The suits were too small. That dry cleaner shrunk my suits! That same day, I went to the doctor and the scales were not working. They said I had gained 30 pounds. I met a friend walking out of the eye doctor’s office. Evidently she was blinded by her visit. She thought I Had gained weight. Now, I’m thinking, the whole world has gone mad. I thought like Moses, let me turn aside and see this fatness everyone is talking about. I walked into CVS to use their free scales. They too were wrong. They said the same thing the doctor’s office scales said! Then I thought could it be just me? I was not a happy camper because I had gained weight. My jokes didn’t suck! Now I may be stretching it a bit about the jokes. At any rate I have decided not to try to become a comedian. I have many stories I have written before my accident. Most are much better than Elnora. When I started my music studio at the first of my marriage in our apartment, many of the music books had songs with words. One piece of music I taught was COME WITH ME TO DREAMLAND. I loved that little song. I wrote a fairy tale “come with me to dreamland”. I will continue posting my stories on www. Perhaps someone will become inspired by one or two
Come with me to Dreamland
Moonbeams lead the way
Let your cares and troubles
Vanish with the day
A cloud will be your pillar
The stars your guiding light
Sweet dreams until I met you
In that magical land of night
Sweet dreams until I met you
In that magically land of night.
Author Unknown
I wrote a sweet fairy tale I told to my third grade class. I will post a portion of that story each week.

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